Ode to Barney

Back in the early to mid eighties, I ran with a fun bunch of guys called the Road Warriors.  The highlight of our week was the Wednesday night run at the lakes in Minneapolis.  About twenty guys would show up in race flats, lie about how we were going to run easy that night, then take off at race pace.  That was followed by beverages, trash talking, and pizza at Rocky’s in Uptown.

Once in a while you would get free beverages from the guys if you had done something particularly memorable.  This could be a great race, beating a Ms. Pacman score, or by bringing some cute single girls to the run.  One Wednesday I was the recipient of a steady stream of free drinks for no particular reason. I had a solid but not great St Patricks day race, finishing just ahead of Barney Klecker, a local legend.  The free beverages kept coming. 

It was that night I learned the true secret purpose of the Road Warriors.  I had thought we were a good times group that acted like fifteen year olds.  I assumed out goal was to run sub 2:30 marathons or even to pound each other every Wednesday. I was finally a true Raod Warrior.  They whispered the groups secret pact to me. Our real goal was always to beat Barney Klecker. There were three reasons that Barney was our target.

He was a stud at every distance.  He had run a sub 4:20 mile and held the world record at 50K and 100K.  He trained like a madman and was good at every distance.

The second reason was that Barney was older, taller, and smarter than most of us.  He would crush our group, then explain why he trained smarter than the rest of us.  He did something called cross training.  While we raced out workouts in the winter, Barney snow shoed.  Even built and sold his own brand of racing snow shoes. If he hadn’t have been such a great runner, he would have been an NFL quarterback, just ask him.

The real reason Barney was our target, however, was that he had just married Janice Horns.  Janice burst on the scene in the late 70’s.  She was pretty, super nice, and beat most of the guys.  Barney swooped in, took Janice under his wing and began coaching and dating her.  The rest of the local studs never had a chance.  Barney had committed the unforgivable sin.  He stole away every ones dream girl.

(Note:  I over achieved and married a slender blue eyed beauty that ran a sub 18 minute, so I was able to forgive Barney quicker than most)

It turns out, Barney was smarter than most of us.  He would have set several masters records if not for a nasty ankle injury suffered at age 39.  He continued to coach and promote his lovely wife to the Olympics and several national teams.  Janice was among the first to be sponsored by a major company, Moving Comfort. 

Now, the Klecker dynasty lives on.  Janice and Barney have six kids, all who do multiple sports, but thrive in running.  John and Joe Klecker will be running for Hopkins at the State CC meet this weekend.  Three of the girls were all conference.  Barney will again be coaching the Hopkins team at Nike High School regions next month.  Barney has coached elite athletes, women’s groups, even walkers.  He may have stolen Janice from us thirty years ago, but he’s repayed the debt several times over. 

Barney, next time you are at Rocky’s pizza, the super slice is on me.